Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
