He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize