he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
