just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
