I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
