she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
