There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
