just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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