I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
