The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
