Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
