the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
