How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
