Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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