you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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