Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
