apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
