Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
