I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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