Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
