Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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