can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
