Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
