New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
