census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
