Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
