a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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