Your dad touched me again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
whose parrot is this?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
