That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
