Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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