I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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