the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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