Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
