I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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