I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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