i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
