She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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