So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Say something about gay babies.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
