No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
