The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
