I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
