Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
