so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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