the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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