All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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