I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
