i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
