i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
