do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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