I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
