He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
