My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
