it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
