Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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