I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
