So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
