I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
