drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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