I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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