Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
