There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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