my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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