Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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