the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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