I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Randomize
