Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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