i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
