And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
