my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Damn victory sex feels great
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
