Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
