Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
