Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
