who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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