The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
