my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
