i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i already hear my dad disowning me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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