Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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