My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
