whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
