I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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