Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
