I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
