all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
