The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
