I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
